When you fall don't forget to get back up....

These past two years have been pretty difficult for me but yet awakening. I have gone through some pretty significant changes in the past few months that were and have been taking shape over the past two years.
We don’t always want these changes or look for them but yet they are there sitting in your lap and you have no choice but to deal with them.

How you handle change is what makes the difference. Will you be resistant to change or will you flow with it calmly? Will you allow this change to take shape in you or will you unaffected?

I felt the winds of change coming and I prepared myself for the storm, knowing that everything I knew in my life was in danger and that a great deal of it would be destroyed before the calm was felt.

A great deal of pain was handed to me and I had no choice but to accept it because I felt responsible for holding up this intricate house of cards that we had built. If I had refused to take the pain the house would tumble and all would have been lost that I had fought so hard to build.

It’s strange how we convince ourselves of the great evils in store for us if we do not follow the path set before us by everyone prior to us. I had convinced myself that I would have to live with my burden and pain because it was the road I had chosen and there was no way of changing that. My burden got heavier and my pain dug its way deeper inside of me and began to consume everything about me that I once found valuable.

Falling was not an option and letting go was death in my eyes, so I held tighter to everything that was slowly killing me. “I will make this work” a mantra repeated daily to myself. I allowed this pain to overwhelm me, emotional boils rupturing. I was no longer Deborah, I was a shell of the woman I was once, layered with coats of pain and disappointment. I was dead.

My eyes opened the instant I realized that there was nothing left in me of the woman I remembered. I looked at myself in the mirror and did not recognize the person staring back at me. Who was I?

I stood still for a moment, just a moment and then I let go….

I let go of the pain. I let go of the fear. I let go of the disappointment. I let go of everything that took part in killing me and slowly like snow fluttering on a cold winter day the house of cards came tumbling down around me taking me with it.

I rested there for a moment, just a moment and then I smiled and stood up.