A journey of a thousand miles...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-tzu,

How many of us have begun that journey just to bow out shortly after because we were not sure of ourselves? How many of us have gotten halfway there and then turned back because it seemed too far?

Many of us have given up the battle before we even begin to fight. I am one of those people. The trail looks too traitorous and exhausting so I give up without ever starting my journey. I am not like this about everything in my life but there is one thing in my life that has just beaten me to a pulp.

MY WEIGHT.

Don’t get me wrong, I have started this voyage many, many, many, MANY times in the past and sometime I am temporarily successful and others I never even get a few ounces off. I know what I weight and it has begun to eat at me every day. I look at myself and I am not happy with what I see, I try on clothes that use to be flattering and now wont button or zip and I am crest fallen. I know what you’re going to say. “Well Deborah, watch your diet and add some exercise to your day.” Yes that is very easy to say but not so easy to follow. When I get home from work it is after 6pm and I have to rush to get dinner made which gets on the table after 7 if I prepare some of the stuff the night before. I have to sit with my son for a bit and catch up with him and before I know it 9 pm is knocking on the door. My sons bed time, I tell myself, “Put him to bed then jump on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes Deborah.” NEVER HAPPENS!!! So instead I have been watching my weight creep up the scale like a crack on the wall, ever so slowly until you one day notice this HUGE thing on the wall. Well that’s pretty much how it happened. A year ago I was about 40 lbs less then I am now and I can’t say I saw it coming. I was busy with life and I let it bite me in the ass…or maybe I bit it and ate it and that’s where the 40lbs came from.

Now for most people that know me when I tell them how much I weight I can see the shock register on their face. Why? Well maybe I just don’t look that heavy or maybe they never realized I was that fat. Who knows but I am not offended by it because I get the very same look every time I look at the scale too. I get the urge to throw it against the wall and tear it into little bits because it is so blatantly lying to me about my weight. I tell myself that I am not fat it’s the 100lb ass that I carry around that’s fat. Guess what? I’m fat. I can accept that and now I have to do something to fix it. I need to be healthy for my son and for myself.

In my head I weigh at the most 200lbs. ha, ha, ha been a while since I have seen that number. In reality I weigh 2?? lbs. ok so I am not ready to tell you how much I weigh but then again does it matter? Telling you the number is not going to change the fact that it is way too much for me…well actually it’s way too much for the weight of two average sized people…ok well maybe not quite that much but close enough.

So here goes nothing….*taking a step* starting my journey again for the 500,000th time. I won’t say that I failed every single one of those attempts because to me failure is giving up and accepting defeat. I know my weight issue and a lot more to do then just the fact that I am friendly with food. It will take work on me and a great deal of effort to break my old habits and create new healthier ones.

Here’s to the journey…I will keep you updated.